When discovery occurs, most spouses feel like they have been living a lie, sometimes for most of their married life. Finding out your spouse has been living a double life leads to feelings of self-doubt, body dysmorphia, shame, instability in multiple areas, the inability to trust yourself, isolation, anger, panic, sleepless nights, powerlessness, and questions about every part of your existence.

• You suddenly feel more alone than ever before.
• It feels like you can’t talk to any person in your life about what has happened.
• It is likely one of the most devastating things that has ever happened to you.

You can go from looking like the “perfect couple” one minute to looking for the best divorce lawyer the next.  Then you start to hear about how this issue has been a huge problem for your spouse, in some cases coming close to taking their own life. One minute you want to find help for them and the next you can’t get far enough away. This ambivalence is real, and it is very common.  The safest person in your life has become the least safe person in a matter of minutes.

This bouncing back and forth begins to make you feel like you are going crazy.  You become preoccupied with replaying your entire life with your spouse, making note of anything that may be questionable. You start to realize that gaslighting was taking place while you blamed yourself or were being blamed for acting “crazy, jealous, overly emotional or delusional”.  It is very difficult to see this as a “problem” when it feels like it was a deliberate choice to harm you.  You are likely finding that:

• You can’t sleep,
• your appetite if effected,
• you are ok one moment and raging the next,
• you feel emotionally out of control,
• you don’t know what to believe and you feel like there is something wrong with you.

These are all very common feelings, and you deserve as much individual support as your spouse is getting (and hopefully they have already found care from a CSAT).

Yes, your partner caused this problem for you – but they CANNOT heal it for you. You have similar symptoms to PTSD and your spouse does not.

There are support groups we can help you find as well as other resources. We have therapists who specialize in treating this issue, you don’t have to suffer alone. If you are ready to get the support you deserve, click below to schedule.